The only good Kaevum album edition
/metal/
Artist: Darkthrone
Album: Panzerfaust
Song: Beholding The Throne of Might
And destruction upon the holy man
Who hails a jew
actual surf bm track
Biggest losers subedition
waiting in line for the new KAEVUM let's go boys!
Ultra drops Friday so all the wagies and kiddos can listen to it ASAP
im fucking blid, it literally says it's getting a LP release lmao
guess im ordering this instantly
blastin
Ozzy Osbourne has passed away.
For real this time guys...
What would people unironically think if they saw my cross and nailed hand on cross tattoos at a black metal gig? i love black metal but i don't care about the text, should i probably cover them?
no he's not
No one will even notice you.
you're right, it's probably my paranoia and it would be dark anyway
I’ve still never listened to Kaevum
I doubt anyone cares. I go to bm shows regularly wearing crosses and rosaries and no one has started shit with me. Even a Pope Francis rosary with his actual face on it.
they're mid
ok good to know
went to bmcel gig wearing a cross, all white and a hawaiian shirt
got sucked off twice, offered 3 more bjs
panda paint wearing bmcels left seething
I get all the bitches brah brah
Natur is great
Everything else is good or mid. It's not like Kultur is bad, it's just far from worth the shilling it gets here. If it didn't have the "MUH INHERENTLY" aspect to it absolutely no one would post it.
Rock and roll started, it was the best. Elvis, that was a musician. Than it got influenced by gay satanists and communists and became hard rock. It was awful. Then hard rock was influenced by nazis and sex perverts and became metal. It was worse than horse shit. And the more extreme it became, they gayer it got.
my mein kampf copy finally arrived
that is most definitely what the fuck is up
If it didn't have the "MUH INHERENTLY" aspect to it absolutely no one would post it.
That's a cope. Kultur is GOAT and 10/10
>my mein kampf copy finally arrived
that is most definitely what the fuck is up
Kaevum sounds like it was recorded in cave. With analog recording equipment. And the recording equipment was 100 feet away from where the band was playing. And then they burned the recording onto a cd and then rubbed a bunch of mud and rocks all over the cd and scratched the shit out of it, and then ripped the audio from that cd onto a cassette tape, and then put that cassette tape into a boombox, which was then placed underwater, and then they re-recorded the audio coming out of that boombox.
So by black metal standards it sounds pretty damn good.
I look like a chad though?
Their recording/production is actually fairly clean for bm. I'm no fan of them, but you gotta try harder to dunk on them.
This shit sounds like it was recorded on a potato in an ocean you're fucking retarded.
youtube.com
Keep deluding yourself.
t.
A competent but average emulation of traditional metal trades, which it seeks not to master any one of them. For something calling itself speed metal (a vague genre, but traditionally describing fast heavy metal more melodic than thrash), a lot of riffs are flat pedal point thrashing with melodic flourishes, or less often A-B riff arrangements between thrash and heavy metal. There are also bits of NWOBHM riffs, bits of shred, some punk drumming, lots of muppet vocals over top, and stock heavy metal lyrics, including "metal referencing itself" songs about how cool metal is or the band playing a show. Lots of pastiche, little passion.
There's no reason to delude myself over that.
NTA but if you think that is particularly lo-fi, especially for BM standards, then you really haven't listened to enough metal.
their debut is way better
Many such cases
I just roke up
cope
3/10
I look like a chad though?
Lol nah
Fuck off Mutthew
That is indeed very lo-fi and it seems you only listen to the utmost garbage to justify that opinion. If you can't discern a hi-fi prod/mix like Behemoth or Marduk from something like that, then you've never worked on a mix before and you probably don't even have the right setup to tell the difference.
Thanks for the rec fellow chinpossessor, but what makes it way better?
So you're a retard pretending otherwise? Gotcha.
I would heem you, chud.
my hair looks like this. how do i avoid the frizz look without loading it down with a bunch of chemicals?
like it or not this is what the peak human form likes like
Literally everything is made of chemicals. Do you not use shampoo, stinky metalfag?
anon this still sounds fine even blasting through my shitty laptop speakers. maybe you just dont like atmospheric production, which is fine, but thats your problem, not anyone elses
yeah this is fuckin' bussin'
gimme the riffz
Anyone else blasting the Billboard chart topping new Sleep Token album? m/
nothing tickles me more then posers trying to gaslight themselves into thinking this isnt the first black metal album
post jaw
That's what I've been saying for at least a decade.
it was under the sign of the black mark sweety pie
that's just speed metal with some thrash thrown in
no thanks anon, we listen to actual metal here
HEIL DAGON
tried it and thought it was shit
even my normiescum friend who lives on "le ebin breakdown" metalcore thinks its shit
dire
Someone please make it black.
sorry pet, thats venom you're thinking of. under the sign of the black mark is infinitely a better album tho
by your logic the first death metal album was hell awaits
That's a cope. Kultur is GOAT and 10/10
It is.
I can accept that
you won
wtf why this nigga got such a zesty voice?
youtu.be
Satanic Rites - Dec 31 1993
Bathory - Oct 2 1984
try again kek
Interesting.
darling, thats a demo. please dont interrupt the adults again.
also not bm
1993
they spelled Euronymos's name wrong!
I'll lay a bm on your face, you fucking guy.
You too.
MEGABASED
that's just an even shittier version of venom, a mix of speed, thrash and crust punk
celtic frost is a pile of shit too btw
You don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
celtic frost is a pile of shit too btw
the ultimate genre-sperg has arrived
Korn SUCKS
the shitters have been rustled, jej
yes sir
Today's my birthday, bros
A black metal band in 2025 doing the exact same thing as in 1995 can only be mid.
I don't believe you.
Happy birthday anon, get all the bitches and shit!
SHOW ME WAR
SHOW ME PESTILENCE
Well done.
He's talking about rat years.
i took a shit, where the bitches at?
added another row, I think I'm done but never say never
post tremoloshit
FIRST WAVE REIGNS SUPREME
Speaking of Parkway drive, they are bigger than ever headlining festivals and playing in huge stadiums but A day to remember will perform here in some small ass venue here. How did they fell off so much?
You openly admitted this was a shitpost that you put too much effort into, and yet you keep going?
I wasn't aware these acts were a thing beyond like 2011.
I fell out of the loop 15 years ago
thanks boomer
I was going to post some tremtruffles but you don't actually care nor even know what tremolo riffing is
Speaking of Parkway drive
Who the actual fuck are you quoting, given they're not metal?
Why are JBald fans so fucking gay
don't you have another kaevum picture to post, poser?
>>/reddit/
can't do math
Thank you retarded metal sister.
replied in less than half a minute
kikkity kek, brah brah is seething
Midvum
norsecore incel really trying to call me retarded because I didn't specifically say14 years but 15
holy kek, talk about grasping for straws
posers
meanwhile, the entire norwegian scene (inb4 buncha poser haha gotcha so fanny!):
Fenriz about Euronymous and Snorre(direct quotation):
I have to say that, they invented the typical (Norwegian) Black Metal riff
Ihsahn about the existence of Black Metal before the initial release by Darkthrone(direct quotation):
of course black metal was not a thing you know, in 1991.
Satyr about Grymyrk demo (direct quotation):
The Grymyrk tape is the most importantt because there comes the guitar sound to Thorns so properly forward. In a way he has inspired people who are far more famous
Abbath about the beginning of Black Metal (direct quotation):
There wasn't a black metal scene or anything. Black Metal was the name of a Venom track from 1982. We couldn't call the music anything other than black metal. Before that, Bathory and all those bands were just called death metal.
Varg Vikernes about Black Metal(direct quotation):
Darkthrone, has also at the same time recorded their "A Blaze ln The Northern Sky" album, and probably because of Euronymous' influence, just before recording it, decided to change the whole, originally a Death Metal album into what we today can easily define as the first Black Metal album ever. They also looked more COOL than before, although I think Fenriz has always looked the same, even when they played Death Metal. FINALLY, some different music! Finally something original
Now, some of you will react to what I just said here, The First Black Metal album ever, what about Bathory or Venom, right? Well, no. That was Thrash Metal, or I guess in the case of Venom, Trash Metal. These bands were never called or understood as Black Metal bands. Black Metal as a name for a genre was a term coined by Euronymous, inspired by a Venom album titled by the same name, for a specific group of bands.
It's probably ratson clawing for attention in any way he can
Correct, but Gaevum is right there and better
Inject the new Kaevum album directly into my veins!!!!
I just replied to my own post like a fucking retard. You've won this round.
Proud of you for being open about wanting to transition, sis
Why is nothing ever as good as peste noire for me
what about Bathory or Venom, right? Well, no. That was Thrash Metal, or I guess in the case of Venom, Trash Metal. These bands were never called or understood as Black Metal bands.
Hurrah!
lmao
Crossover Thrash, Grindcore and Sludge Metal are the ONLY good hardcore fusion genres. Metalcore, Deathcore, etc are all garbage.
aaaand you are wrong with your bait
stenchcore too
Anyone seen Napalm Death recently? How are they these days? I'll be catching them on the tour with Melvins and am curious how they sound. I imagine Barney is gonna rant about Trump in between every song like a sperg.
Sorry that's Varg and he has more authority than you:
Sorry that's Varg and he has more authority than you
This is a weird way to make a chart of bm albums you like
I look like this and say this
metalcore is good when it's either
just Slayer but with added punk stuff like breakdowns like Merauder, early Jinjer (yeah it's not bad) and I don't like them but Walls of jericho, at least their first couple of albums, that's all I've heard
melodic metalcore where they do the same shit but apeing melodeath, eg. the first Parkway drive album
GODS TRANSFORM ME
THIS STORM WILL CLEANSE ME
Music-adjacent metal > metal-adjacent music
early Jinjer (yeah it's not bad)
alright, post the least shit Jinjer song
That's basically what charts are when the theme is too vague, like the cosmic codex.
For me, it's
FORGIVE ME NOT
THIS KNOWLEDGE MAKES ME STRONG
all I can say is that I've seen them like 4 times I think and I never understood a single fucking word he said
plus they always sucked imo, but Harmony corruption is up there with the best death metal albums
I love this album cover. only just found out its a painting from 1895 upload.wikimedia.org
hey norsecuck: pytten is SHIT along with all black metal. fuck off
Saw them a couple of weeks ago. Napalm was pretty boring but I've seen them like 9 or 10 times so that could just be me. And yeah Barney is going to be on his soapbox for a quarter of the set. Melvins killed it, though. They're worth the price of admission.
Stop discussing Louis Cachet and start discuss other metal bands.
Is he back for Ultra?
Can't. I just put them on a while ago. All I remember is checking out some of their recent songs and it's all those awful djent garbage. One of the video clips even had a shitbull. I'd still shove my tongue up the chick's asshole though. Thank you for asking.
Nice. I'm mostly going for the Melvins anyway, but I've never seen ND before, so as long as they play a few classic songs, I'll be happy. I'll probably have a few beers and mosh like a goon during a few of their songs and call it good.
I OFFER FANTASY
AND YOU. YOU CREATOR ARE BLIND WITH ENVY
Fenriz
directly sites Euro and Sorre for creating the TYPICAL bm riff, not for creating the bm riff full stop
Ihsahn
this one comes more down to semantics then anything else. of course, nobody would call anything black metal before it became a genre used by multiple bands. i could make an avant-garde atmo metal album today and call it something like 'ocean metal' and there'd be a chance in a few years people start to replicate that same sound and make it something more, but until then nobody would call it that because when its just one band nobody would care
Satyr
doesn't mean anything at all. Thorns was influential, but don't try to tell me that Thorns made bm just because they influenced a few big bands
Abbath
refer to my Ihsahn rebuttal
Varg Vikernes
also doesn't think black metal even exists anymore, very unreliable narrator
mad respect for putting this whole thing together, but nothing disproves me here
Snorre invented black metal
BASED
Have fun brah brah. I still haven't listened to the Melvins, sounds like a weird matchup. Don't they play stoner, sludge and gay shit like grunge? Holy shit I can't fucking stand Nirvana and their ilk but I digress, go and fuck shit up hehe
Louis Cachet was brutally raped in the bitterly cold winter of '94.
Post some unusual covers.
Don't they play stoner, sludge and gay shit like grunge?
They kinda do whatever they want. Give Houdini a try. Then do Lysol.
Was the guardswoman hot?
boing
INHERENTLY
uses a jew harp
LOL
Good post
Well, no. That was Thrash Metal, or I guess in the case of Venom, Trash Metal
Varg = genius
i like the track with the fart
Bongman more like Bongwoman
Behold the greatest metal song ever concieved:
RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDIN ON THE WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIND
holy fuck I love this band
We've been over this, retard. There was no one named Snorre in Venom.
picrel
Guys I'm starting to think maybe Arghoslent weren't entirely correct in their lyrics
he doesn't want to flog that cargo
Are Municipal Waste /metal/??
no but they're a pretty good rodentwave band
They just say they were "ill suited for leadership" which means they should be dominated
Municipal Waste are crossover thrash, which is technically a genre of metal.
rodentwave
elaborate!
Metal for people with schizophrenia
Euro and Sorre for creating the TYPICAL bm riff,
Ergo creating the "riff" that is distinguishable from the rest of the genre. thanks for proving his point I guess.
call it something like 'ocean metal' and there'd be a chance in a few years people start to replicate that same sound and make it something more
That would make sense if you could come up with a new technique or style, but I doubt a /metal/turd is capable of anything such, sorry anon!
but don't try to tell me that Thorns made bm just because
Just because what, you clown. Just because it was first to release record with black metal riffing on ig? Sniffing on that copium I see.
refer to my Ihsahn rebuttal
There was none.
also doesn't think black metal even exists anymore
Irrelevant to the point.
feels good to love metal that makes others go doodoo in their own diapers
"christianity is... LE BAD!"
repeat for entire discography
this is considered one of the best death metal bands ever
What exactly did Deicide do for the death metal genre that Cannibal Corpse, Death or Morbid Angel didn't do?
Deicide
one of the best death metal bands ever
Nobody under the age of 50 thinks this
All of them are dogshit but at least Death inspired some quality bands that came after them
Smart people know you're supposed to stop listening to them after Legion.
why did you make a thread and then also post here?
It's a very elaborate joke that's gone too far. It started as a way to make fun of how "kvlt" bands/albums all sound similar (and they still do) but now the joke is "how far can I possibly stretch the definition of what's 'kvlt' while still reasonably remaining 'kvlt' according to its unwritten rules"
I think most of these albums are terrible or mediocre. I mostly just eared these to see if they were "kvlt" enough. I'll let you try to figure out which ones I actually like.
When I'm definitively done with this (and I'm pretty fucking sure I am this time) I'll post a chart of what I would actually recommend to beginners.
So where exactly on the autism spectrum do you reside?
I want to see them once a month, holy fuck I love those bastards
Losercore
It started as a way to make fun of how "kvlt" bands/albums all sound similar (and they still do) but now the joke is "how far can I possibly stretch the definition of what's 'kvlt' while still reasonably remaining 'kvlt' according to its unwritten rules"
Anon is a genius.
I think most of these albums are terrible or mediocre.
Anon is gay and has AIDS.
Half of those bands have nothing in common with the other half, and then not even with each other.
They had their time and place in the metal landscape. They were very early players and were among the first doing what they did, influencing quite a number of people in the process. GB and his schtick have been washed up for decades, but people don't just forget about what happened in the past
god DAMN I love this song, thoughts?
youtube.com
but now the joke is "how far can I possibly stretch the definition of what's 'kvlt' while still reasonably remaining 'kvlt' according to its unwritten rules"
I would say you have missed the rules by a country mile really.
uh oh, the old thread had some posts deleted and it's back under 310.
I'm not falling for the psyop. USBM is actually great.
why do you keep posting this
I'm not falling for the spam. Ratposting is actually disgraceful.
If it's not USBM or NSBM, consider me disinterested
I'M A MATCH
SHE'S KEROSINE
YOU KNOW SHE'S GONNA BURN DOWN EVERYTHING
wouldve gotten back to this sooner but i was busy because i have an actual life outside of /metal/
distinguishable from the rest of the genre
yes, thats how genres grow mate. not all doom sounds like sabbath, not all dm sounds like death or possessed, not all bm is gonna sound like the original. just because it doesnt sound like 2nd wave bm doesnt mean its not bm
but I doubt a /metal/turd is capable of anything such
fair point, i can barely write music let alone play it, but thats why its a hypothetical scenario
Just because what, you clown
love the cope in this one, i wear my clown makeup in pride if it means you seethe like this more
Just because it was first to release record with black metal riffing on ig?
the whole point im trying to make here is that this is wrong. black metal riffing didnt start there, that much should be obvious
There was none.
there was indeed a rebuttal
Irrelevant to the point.
extremely relevant. it proves varg as having no actual comprehension of how genres work, and it seems like you dont either
cries about forcing a meme when he's been spamming the same album for 2 years
brown Anon Babbletroons have 0 self-awareness, it hurts to watch
Got banned from tv again, most probably the stupidest shit yet. Shit's just baffling.
Now bring on the riffs. And beer.
ARE
YOU
READY?
youtube.com
It was the German bugspammer too. Wonder what he did since they usually have protection from flooding threads with off-topic bugspam.
Ah, a patriot
i-it’s just one person who likes this band
y-y-you’re brown
Pathological
Post your self-portraits on please
how much did your rabbi pay you to post that?
this is truly the 1st metal general. the great reset is upon us.
Can the mods please get rid of this mental patient who doesn’t contribute a single musical post to any thread
i'm sooo eepy guys
are there multiple people that have posted it since it's been out? yes. has there only been one person that has been consistently posting it since it came out? also yes.
i know how Anon Babble works. i've been here much longer than (You), my brown tourist friend.
you're brown!
no YOU"RE brown!
well you're Jewish!
nuh uh!
To keep it metal, I liked Kultur. Vocals were awesome, and while the riffs are cool if you listen closely, I wish they weren't shafted to the background.
if morbid angel were mexican they would be called deported angel
Blaze > Transilvanian Hunger > Panzerfaust > Under a Funeral Moon
all near 10/10s, but this is the correct order
ángel morboso - altares de la locura
n-no u
You do realize that there is a vast, enormous number of groups who poke fun at 'muricans and not all of them have an agenda
There is only one person here trying to convince himself that everyone who likes a certain kind of music is non-White
sure thing eurocuck
thank you simpsister
False!
Blaze > Panzerfaust > Funeral Moon > Transilvanian Hunger
FOAD > everything else
You people are baited too easily. Way too easily
no u's the no u in response to the original no u'er
checkmate brownoids
imagine not knowing deathspeed, ridiculous
youtu.be
Can't get enough of the last minute of this song. Any recs with similar vibe?
He was a literal homosexual
Which Grave albums are good?
source?
Probably childhood trauma
I fucking love metal, fuck yeah
this but I have a chin
Then go discuss it in a thread for metal. Fuck off outta here.
Grindcore
agree on the rest doe
made me lol
Post your reasons for not liking FETO. Now.
tfw summer is here
tfw can't listen to black metal until ~october
sucks man
well first of all i don't even know what that is which automatically means its lame and gay
Whats the genre of metal where all the vocals are literally just burps and pig snorts? That shit sucks dick.
Whats the genre of metal where all the music is literally just samples from pornos? That shit fucking rules.
filtered
That shit sucks dick.
So go back to listening to Judas Pri- Oh wait
funeral moon is just so...odd. it's not at all on the same level as the other 3. i wouldn't be surprised if that was actually recorded before a blaze.
Deicide just make fast, ripping evil sounding death metal. It's cool and riffs hard. What else do you need?
yea you're retarded. funeral moon is the greatest bm album of all time. blaze is good but only 50% bm. transilvian hunger is sonically pure bm but none of the songs individually are as good as anything on funeral moon. panzerfaust is overrated.
Convince me that any of those albums is worth listening to
I am deep into black metal but I could never finish an entire Darkthrone album despite everyone going on about how great they are
If you listen to all 4 of them, I will stop making fun of you.
What are those vases for?
Just listened to the first 10 minutes of Under a Funeral Moon, this is unironically so bad it's funny
Tornekransens Fall
Starts off with a ferocious riff, good intro vocals, but lasts too long for its own good. Clean vocals come in, sort of like epic bridge for more epic transition, but it leads to nowhere. It comes on again, it still leads to nowhere but a trite power chord mess, which then goes into another power chord mess that does not connect well with the previous riff, that again, leads to nowhere, the riff consisting of 4 power chord throughout the entire track failing to impress anyone, and the song becomes rather mediocre. Outro is the last riff but played slowly, no grand outro or climax, a shallow song.
Gold Mit Uns
A great intro with prominent bass, a simple motif with many great variations, the listener is taken aback by vocals. The riff turns into a slow builup, which slowly transitions into the epic and/or melancholic riff, followed by beautiful variations, which then leads to the 'climax', with melody being more prominent, then it makes a deceptive leadup and transitions into another great variation which makes the outro.
Kultur absolutely demolished Natur. To be a fan of Kultur, you must have an IQ above 130.
They are filled with urine and semen throughout long nights of Kulturposting. Got to empty them out from time to time.
Just listened to the first 10 minutes of Under a Funeral Moon, this is unironically so bad it's funny
this overrated album is good because the people overrating it told me it's good okay
but that is the le point!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Always found it interesting how much better OF got after he joined.
What's his @?
sorry zoomer you got jak'd it's over. maybe go back to rym and listen to some knocked loose or ghost. there's no point in trying to explain metal to you
heavy metal punk era darkthrone is their best era and i'm tired of pretending otherwise
Circle the Wagons is criminally underrated.
I'M HANGING OUT IN HAIGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i like darkthrone's entire discography except for soulside journey
CANADIAN METAL
Napalm Death is a joke. The last original member left in 1987. There isn't even anyone who played on either line-up of Scum left.
Embury joined for the FETO album, and is now the oldest member of the band, but doesn't play live shows with them.
Even Ravishing Grimness?
Get rekt
The Jew's harp, also known as jaw harp, juice harp, or mouth harp, is a lamellophone instrument, consisting of a flexible metal or bamboo tongue or reed attached to a frame. Despite the colloquial name, the Jew's harp most likely originated in China, with the earliest known Jew's harps dating back 4,000 years ago from Shaanxi province. It has no relation to the Jewish people.[
ravishing grimness is one of my favorites. this is their best stint of albums i don't care what anyone says. straight up grim hateful black metal.
Correct. He needs it to be true and will go to any length to convince others of that which is real in his mind. It's genetic.
perhaps many people like kaevum, i think natur is a good album myself. but it's clearly one brown retard spamming every thread with it. that is low IQ shit. it's also very pathetic and gay to believe that everyone here should like kaevum when that goes against the spirit of black metal itself and i'm sure the band themselves would prefer the trendies and followers to fuck off.
what do you mean genetic
Dangerously based
Finally someone in the Darkthrone argument who isn't a retarded faggot
keep of kalessin was true kvlt tho
because true kvlt bands always sell out
yes i posted the album 2 threads ago
it's clearly one brown retard spamming every thread with it.
Prove it.
Matthew added Kultur to his spam repertoire, now you guys are arguing about botspam